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Presence: I’ve been thinking about the phrase ‘be present’. What does it really mean?

Being present for me is when you allow yourself to hold space for yourself and your body, to understand where that pain or joy is coming from and how it is making you feel. Presence is consciously allowing your body to express itself freely and being aware of that pain or joy experiencing itself fully in the body. A lot of the time, we are trained to suppress it if it’s a negative emotion, and fear it not lasting if it’s a positive one.

Therefore, missing the entire gift of presence.

Resonance then, is holding a space in that presence-and it comes into effect if we allow it. Actively allowing the energy of the moment in the now unravel as it happens. In that moment, the chemicals in our cells release complete ecstasy in whatever form, be it pain or joy.

Presence is missed when we start asking ‘how?’

For instance, we want something, and that feeling is so intense, whatever it is, that we must immediately hold on to it. We must invite this feeling over and over again often without allowing the opposite emotions of fear, worry, unworthiness etc. to create the imbalance we’ve been programmed with. Consciously present.

Holding resonance in the presence and creating that moment in the Now, allows our cells to create completely, in full resonance and detail, all that we choose to have and ask for. Meditation helps with taking the time to enter this state of presence.

Presence and resonance walk hand in hand. Resonance holds the space for us to experience presence in our body. There is a vortex of pure creation that exists in a space within us that we hold for ourselves in our imaginations-and we have the choice to gift this to ourselves whenever we want.

So how do we hold that resonance to continue to be present in the moment? Give it time, instantly be aware of the unwanted, opposite thoughts that get projected and stay in the one you have chosen. The thoughts that feel good. Choose to do so, and your body will start developing that into a habit.

I remember when I was 15 or so, there were so many rumors of impending war. As our house was near a military camp there was also many bomb and gunshot noises sounding regularly. I remember being so uneasy and afraid for my family’s safety that I started praying day and night in every moment I could. Whether I was doing schoolwork, home-work or whatever else a 15 year old girl did back in those days, I was constantly praying.

I remember something in me saying ‘continue this praying’. I asked God to hear me, to be present for me in grey, cold, rainy Addis. It even felt like the usual bright sunny sky and glorious green landscape of the city felt the weariness of the times. I remember I hardly ate, but when I was talking to my dad or friends, I remember I was unceasingly praying. All my prayers were for God to hear me and to protect my family.

I remember feeling extremely lonely and longing for that nurturing and love. Even looking up, it had seemed like the simple comfort I was accustomed to from getting the warmth and graze from the sun was not there. Even the sun had abandoned me.

I believe it was on the 7th night, I don’t remember the time but surely everyone was sound asleep including my twin brother sleeping in another bed next to me. I was instantly and suddenly awoken, like an instant tap-but my clarity and focus was intact.
I loved sleeping on my chest, so I turned my head slightly over and saw an overwhelmingly bright light coming from the ceiling. The ceiling seemed wide and like a vortex of an endless source of light pouring in with an endless flow.

As I settled, grasping my bearings, I saw Archangel Michael, graciously, kindly, joyfully, lovingly saying to me ‘you have been praying and asking to see God, your prayers have been answered, you are now standing in front of God’.

I saw what felt like Archangel Gabriel standing to the left of Angel Michael opposite from me, silently observing me. I was curious about him. Without speaking a word, he held an enormous amount of strength and anchoring energy of love and support. His presence held wisdom and comfort; a space held for me. Yes. Little ol’ me. The lightness, loving brightness, nurturing and ease of Archangel Michael combined with the anchoring energy of Archangel Gabriel made my body quickly go into fight or flight mode with my mind saying ‘spit it all out now’.

I started hurriedly saying all the prayers I could think of. My mind was going so fast, it was one of those automatic prayers that I had learnt in church plus all the prayers for the safety of my family and country.

But then I remember when I finished by saying ‘Amen’, which was interesting because I don’t think I needed to say that. I also felt like I could have just had a conversation, but I only knew what I grew up hearing and what I was taught at home and saw in church. Once done, I expected them to say ‘Okay, it’s a wrap’ and sweep out as quickly as they had waltzed in. But no. They just stood there, almost as though they knew what I was going to do next and allowing me the space to do it.
I raised my head a little higher, this was the time for curiosity! I continued lifting it up a tiny bit more, then a little more. They were right over my bed but up in the ceiling in the open sky. It felt like I could reach out and touch them or the light, but my body anchored me down to the bed.

As I looked up to finally see God (I’ve always wanted to meet God), I was thinking ‘my gosh, how crazy and great this is!’ So I kept looking and all I could see was bright light. I mean so bright, even my eyes were getting overwhelmed with the brightness. My eagerness and curiosity didn’t care. I wanted to meet this legend called God whom I had been praying for and that made me feel so important and relevant by coming to see me, showing so much care and compassion. So I continued to look into the bright white light, searching. God?… God? My mind was expecting someone to appear, so I continued to stare and stare some more.
More light, bigger explosions and floods of light.

The moment my eyes started getting tired of the bright light sparkling around my body, there was an energy of getting tired. My soul however, seemed satisfied. I guess it no longer mattered to me what God looked like. All I knew was that I was important and significant enough to be heard. I no longer felt alone or fearful. I remember before departing from my ceiling door, the kind and joyful Archangel Michael said to me ‘we will get back to you tomorrow with all our answers!’ In a blink they were gone, and I fell back to sleep immediately.

Now what was so amazing to me at that age? Their loving energy. It held a resonance so strong that my mind didn’t even think ‘oh wow, they came for me’ -because I was overpowered. Their gift of pure attention and the presence of love helped me stay in my presence and allowed me to adapt to the overwhelming feeling of the unknown.
I remember then, and still do now, both my arms pressing down, holding my body tight into the bed, almost into the earth. Almost as if holding my body down so my soul didn’t eject itself out of my body in pure delight.

I see now there was a clear presence of my soul ignited, and my mind and body saying ‘oh wow’. I remember checking to see if my brother in the bed nearby was still there. He had his cover over his head as he always did and was sound asleep.
I remember thinking this is crazy awesome but the resonance that was held for me was to feel enough. Loved enough. Heard enough. In this gorgeous miracle I wasn’t rushed. A space was held for me to feel worthy enough to be heard, understood, significant and cared for unconditionally. That made me feel whole, renewed. Super charged. Enough. That I matter. I am significant.

Now as an intuitive coach, when I asked about resonance, this beautiful, wonderfully joyful experience popped into my presence. Holding space for my clients in presence and in resonance is a gift I choose to uphold going forward.

Not-Enough-Ness

In light of the drama and turmoil our country has faced in recent months, I asked Creator as to what brought all this about. This is what I got:

The deeply ingrained beliefs and programs we hold in our core, genetics, and historical programs that ‘we are not enough’ and that ‘there is not enough to go around for all’, is something that has transpired and is playing out in the collective reality. We hold a deep belief in ourselves that we are not good enough, smart enough or capable enough to create our desired life. We wrongly believe that only a specific few can create their chosen lives, and that there isn’t enough for everyone. Meanwhile the energy of pride and victimhood multiplies and spreads- overtaking and shaping our realities. In order for someone to gain something, most believe someone else has to lose. To be seen, someone else must be overshadowed. To feel worthy and significant, someone else needs to be beneath us.

The country’s collective (or the world’s for that matter) struggles to understand and embrace the truth about infinite abundance the universe easily provides.

Where does this limited thinking come from? How does it serve us to think this way? What do we gain deep down from believing that we are not good enough? Are we all just victims of this cruel world? Are we waiting to be rescued? Have someone throw us a life vest? Whose attention are we seeking and not getting?

Since the day we were born, deep down, we’ve always inherently known we are worthy of asking for what we want and expect the universe to provide for us. Our soul knows that. But we are eventually led to think ‘how dare you ask?’ ‘Who do you think you are?’ We silence our voices and become disempowered people that live in the reality of fear.

When we think it’s impossible to create what we want in our lives, how does it serve us to blame our disappointment on others? Who are we angry at? The parents that didn’t comfort, console and nurture us when we cried and felt vulnerable as children? The teachers that didn’t recognize our potential and worth at school? Or is it the Creator that created us? Blaming him for making us a little less attractive, a little skinnier or poorer- a little too much of this and not enough of that…never ever feeling good enough.
Defeat then takes over and creates a new reality in our subconscious, making it our daily habit. A painful existence of not-enough-ness. Life becomes a constant act of surrender and smallness instead of an exciting journey of continuous discovery and creation.

So what if we seek for more? That is also an option.

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